“We are Forerunners. Guardians of all that exists. The roots of the Galaxy have grown deep under our careful tending. Where there is life, the wisdom of our countless generations has saturated the soil. Our strength is a luminous sun, towards which all intelligence blossoms… And the impervious shelter, beneath which it has prospered.”

Three simple gym rules

by | Sep 8, 2014 | gym idiots, Uncategorized | 0 comments

1. DON’T do curls in the squat rack.

When the world finally does what is right and inevitably elects the Didact as Supreme Overlord of Mankind, curling in the squat rack will be punishable by a swift boot up the ass. Or a kick in the head.

Which, in the case of anyone who curls in the squat rack, is actually the same place. Such idiots suffer from severe Rectal Cranial Inversion.

2. DON’T half-rep.

Nothing pisses me off than watching some douchelord stack up 225lbs in the squat rack, and then go down to maybe half-depth. These guys think that going to depth will hurt their knees, or some such BS. You won’t hurt your knees by going down to depth; you will hurt your knees doing half-reps when I walk over and break them with a f***ing crowbar.

Which, in my ever-so-humble opinion, is a perfectly acceptable punishment for this flagrant abuse of the lifting code.

3. DON’T bitch-hiss (more for the ladies- and possibly gay bodybuilders)

Bitch-hissing is actually more common in martial arts than in the gym. It’s used on the mat in the same way that all those kung-fooey movies from the 80s used the “haiii-YAAAAAH!!!” thing to make it sound like the actors knew what they were doing.

Now I have nothing against grunts when you’re lifting actual daddy-weight. But bitch-hissing just makes you sound like a girl. Don’t do it.

(Major props to BroScienceLife for the awesome vids. Do Dom, and yourself, a solid and subscribe.) 

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